THE KING OF CANOODLE-DUM by W. S. Gilbert The story of FREDERICK GOWLER, A mariner of the sea, Who quitted his ship, the Howler, A-sailing in Caribbee. For many a day he wandered, Till he met, in a state of rum, CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP The King of Canoodle-Dum. That monarch addressed him gaily, "Hum! Golly de do to-day? Hum! Lily-white Buckra Sailee"-- (You notice his playful way?)-- "What dickens you doin' here, sar? Why debbil you want to come? Hum! Picaninnee, dere isn't no sea In City Canoodle-Dum!" "And GOWLER he answered sadly, "Oh, mine is a doleful tale! They've treated me werry badly In Lunnon, from where I hail. I'm one of the Family Royal-- No common Jack Tar you see; I'm WILLIAM THE FOURTH, far up in the North, A King in my own countree!" Bang-bang! How the tom-toms thundered! Bang-bang! How they thumped the gongs! Bang-bang! How the people wondered! Bang-bang! At it, hammer and tongs! Alliance with Kings of Europe Is an honour Canoodlers seek; Her monarchs don't stop with PEPPERMINT DROP Every day in the week! FRED told them that he was undone, For his people all went insane, And fired the Tower of London, And Grinnidge's Naval Fane. And some of them racked St. James's, And vented their rage upon The Church of St. Paul, the Fishmongers' Hall, And the "Angel" at Islington. CALAMITY POP implored him At Canoodle-Dum to remain Till those people of his restored him To power and rank again. CALAMITY POP he made him A Prince of Canoodle-Dum, With a couple of caves, some beautiful slaves, And the run of the royal rum. POP gave him his only daughter, HUM PICKETY WIMPLE TIP: FRED vowed that if over the water He went, in an English ship, He'd make her his Queen,--though truly, It is an unusual thing For a Caribbee brat who's as black as your hat To be wife of an English King. And all the Canoodle-Dummers They copied his rolling walk, His method of draining rummers, His emblematical talk. For his dress and his graceful breeding, His delicate taste in rum, And his nautical way, were the talk of the day In the Court of Cannoodle-Dum. CALAMITY POP most wisely Determined in everything To model his Court precisely On that of the English King: And ordered that every lady And every lady's lord Should masticate jacky (a kind of tobaccy) And scatter its juice abroad. They signified wonder roundly At any astounding yarn, By darning their dear eyes roundly ('Twas all that they had to darn). They "hoisted their slacks," adjusting Garments of plantain-leaves With nautical twitches (as if they wore--stitches. Instead of a dress like EVE'S!) They shivered their timbers proudly, At a phantom fore-lock dragged, And called for a hornpipe loudly Whenever amusement flagged. "Hum! Golly! him POP resemble, Him Britisher sov'reign, hum! CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP, De king of Canoodle-Dum !" The mariner's lively "Hollo!" Enlivened Canoodle's plain (For blessings unnumbered follow In Civilisation's train). But Fortune, who loves a bathos, A terrible ending planned, For ADMIRAL D. CHICKABIDDY, C.B., Placed foot on Canoodle land! That officer seized KING GOWLER; He threatened his royal brains, And put him aboard the Howler, And fastened him down with chains. The Howler she weighed her anchor, With FREDERICK, nicely nailed, And off to the North with WILLIAM THE FOURTH That Admiral slowly sailed. CALAMITY said (with folly) "Hum! nebber want him again-- Him civilise all of us, golly! CALAMITY suck him brain!" The people, however, were pained when They saw him aboard the ship, But none of them wept for their FREDDY, except HUM PICKITY WIMPLE TIP.