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No.5: Song (Colonel)

"When I first put this uniform on"

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Click on picture to enlarge — The Colonel (Jones Hewson), the Duke (Robert Evett) and the Major (W. H. Leon), 1900

Colonel.

When I first put this uniform on,
I said, as I looked in the glass,
"It's one to a million
That any civilian
My figure and form will surpass.
Gold lace has a charm for the fair,
And I've plenty of that, and to spare,
While a lover's professions,
When uttered in Hessians,
Are eloquent ev'rywhere!"
A fact that I counted upon,
When I first put this uniform on!

Dragoons.

By a simple coincidence, few
Could ever have counted upon,
The same thing occurred to me,
When I first put this uniform on!

Colonel.

I said, when I first put it on,
"It is plain to the veriest dunce,
That every beauty
Will feel it her duty
To yield to its glamour at once.
They will see that I'm freely gold-laced
In a uniform handsome and chaste" —
But the peripatetics
Of long-haired aesthetics
Are very much more to their taste —
Which I never counted upon,
When I first put this uniform on!

Dragoons.

By a simple coincidence, few
Could ever have counted upon,
I didn't anticipate that,
When I first put this uniform on!

The Dragoons go off angrily.

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