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Sixty-Three and Sixty-Four
Fun, n.s. V - 2nd Jan. 1864
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Oh, you who complain that the drawings insane, or too | |
| much for your noddles have found it, | ||
| But listen a minute, I'll tell you what's in it — completely | ||
| explain and expound it. | ||
| With intellect weaselly, artist has easily earned all his | ||
| bacon and greens by it, | ||
| And now that it's done and all ready for Fun, it's my | ||
| duty to say what he means by it. | ||
| First Beef-eaters, twain, who are hideously plain, with | ||
| a great deal too much flesh on, | ||
| Are placed, I dare say, to keep clear all the way, like | ||
| the "pleece" in a civic procession. | ||
| Two pantomime actors — disgraceful characters, for | ||
| each is a thief and a chartist | ||
| (The clown little charms, for he's weak in the arms, but | ||
| of course that's the fault of the artist), | ||
| Stealing and shouting, and bad doggerel spouting, | ||
| completely regardless of rhyme or ear — | ||
| Melody metrical, authors theatrical little regard at this | ||
| time o' year; | ||
| Each of the pair you distinguish down there, a | ||
| barbarous Pan or a Sat'r I call | ||
| (But stop, surely "rhyme or ear" scarce rhymes with | ||
| "time o' year" — "metrical" don't with "theatrical") | ||
| Two gentlemen, then, stout, hale-looking men, and | ||
| they carry the season's necessities — | ||
| What's in that bowl? How it flames! on my soul, I've | ||
| not the least notion, unless it is | ||
| Something to drink — it must be that I think; there is | ||
| pudding and beef and a turkey, | ||
| Savoury sausages — offspring of coarse ages, round | ||
| the fat gobbler lurk ye! | ||
| Ha! Ha! Christmas-boxes! — purveyors of oxes, | ||
| greengrocer, and baker, whom HODGE I call. | ||
| (Fox plural is "foxes," so why not ox "oxes? The | ||
| language is strangely illogical!) | ||
| A well-bred young man, meeting JULIA and ANNE, | ||
| puts a smile that he fancies will please on, | ||
| And offers on meeting, the usual greeting — the | ||
| compliments, viz., of the season | ||
| (Whatever they are, it's a phrase popular in the | ||
| various elegant "sets" I know, | ||
| I pay them away, and I wish I could say, that with them | ||
| I could pay all my debts, I know!). | ||
| The waits, wet and chilly, so long have missed WILLIE, | ||
| the tie is quite broken asunder; | ||
| Now, utterly crazy, they envy the daisy, and long to be | ||
| one, and no wonder! | ||
"One more unfortunate," mutely importunate, huddled, a |
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| mass, in a corner, | ||
| Miseries harden her — pardon her, pardon her — think | ||
| of the cold when you scorn her! | ||
| Just to the left of her, utterly deaf to ver-acity, idle men | ||
| two are, | ||
| Begging a farden, as frozen-out gardeners — just as | ||
| much gard'ners as you are! | ||
| Letters from editors, dunning from creditors, vile red and | ||
| white intimations, | ||
| That rates not a few (made October) are due, and that | ||
| these are the LAST APPLICATIONS. | ||
| The cursed collector he bullies like HECTOR, and duns | ||
| in a manner which funny ain't; | ||
| How on earth I'm to pay, I'm unable to say, for the rates | ||
| may be made, but the money ain't. | ||
| The thinking these things on insanity brings on, my brain | ||
| thoughts of suicide enter, | ||
| I almost think I'll run myself on a file, like the man up | ||
| above in the centre! | ||
| The poor wretched prisoner (right corner) is in a sad | ||
| state — his thoughts melancholy ones; | ||
| His wicked mind wends to his open-air friends — they | ||
| are thieves, but uncommonly jolly ones! | ||
| Time, the physician (sure no one could wish an adviser | ||
| with aspect more knowing), | ||
| Is earning a fee of old year Sixty-three, who's beginning | ||
| to think about going! | ||
| The noisy church-bell is a-ringing his knell — it's a | ||
| delicate favour to do one; | ||
| Its JANUS-like tone kills two birds with one stone, for it | ||
| heralds the birth of the new one! | ||
| * * * * * * | ||
| He sleeps the long trance — not a ghost of a chance of | ||
| renewal of lease by his lessor; | ||
| Il est mort, ce pauvre roi! Shall we sorrow? Pourquoi? | ||
| let us rather cry "Vive his successor!" | ||
| Anxious, uncommon I, great Anno Domini, am to know | ||
| what you've in store for me, | ||
| What you will pour for me none can explore for me, which | ||
| you'll admit is a bore for me. | ||
| The kid (if you pliz, I don't know who he is) takes "steps" | ||
| Sixty-three for to score out, | ||
| And I hope that all we who've seen old Sixty-three will be | ||
| here to bow young Sixty-four out! | ||
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Page Created 29 July, 2011


