The Student by W. S. Gilbert

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The Student

Fun, I - lst July 1865

I have chambers up in Gray's-inn,
	Turning out from Holborn-bars,
Though there are as many ways in
	As in Dublin there are cars.

You from Gray's-inn-lane can enter,
	Or from * * among the trees,
Then there's * * in the centre,
	Or from * *,if you please.

(Here follows, in thirteen verses, a list of the various approaches to Gray's-inn.)

I am on the second story,
	Where my name, in sable tint,
You may find in all the glory
	Of the largest Roman print.

If you'd like to know what others
	Live within the same domain,
Why there's, first, COLLUMPTON BROTHERS,
	Then there's POGSON, COGS, and CRANE.

Then you come to —

(Here follow, in seven verses, the names of our contributor's fellow- lodgers.)

One fine morning I was sitting
	On my pleasant window-sill,
Little o'er my mind was flitting,
	As I nibbled at my quill;

Not of Mexico revolving,
	Nor of Portugal and Spain,
Nor of Parliament dissolving,
	Nor of smashed excursion train.

(Here, in twenty-seven verses, follows a list of subjects of which our contributor was not thinking.)

For of Mexico I'm weary,
	Parliament's a thing of nought,
Trains' to me are always dreary —
	Trains of passengers or thought.

(Here, in nineteen verses, he explains his reasons for not thinking of the subjects enumerated in the preceding
twenty-seven.)

Well, as I was sitting idly
	On my pleasant window-sill,
Speculating vaguely, widely,
	On my aunt's unopened will,

I perceived a silent student
	At a window, quite at home,
Stooping more than I thought prudent
	Over a Tremendous Tome.

As I watched the youth pursuing
	His * * * I exclaimed,
"Well I wonder what you're doing,
	And I wonder how you're named!"

P'raps to orders you're proceeding,
	P'raps I've found a lawyer keen —
Caught an Oxford man at Reading —
	Possibly your name is GREEN.

(Here, in thiry-five verses, he speculates on the youth's possible prospects, and suggests a variey of names, all or any of which may be his. He then, rather artistically, changes his metre, and bursts into thef ollowing impassioned appeal): —

"I ask an ap-		ology?"
	Is it zo-
	Is it conch-
	Is it ge-
	'Lectro bi-
	Meteor-
	Is it nos-
	Or etym-
	P'raps it's myth-
	Is it the-
	Palaeont-
	Or archae-

(And so on, through all the ologies — eighy-four more lines.)

This in accents loud I shouted
	At the youth across the square,
* * * I never doubted
	* * * he was aware.

If he heard me, nothing wot I,
	For he studied still his lore,
And no sort of answer got I,
	So I shouted out once more,

"I ask an ap-		ology?"
	Is it zo-
	Is it conch-
	Is it ge-

(And so on, as before, through the ninety-six ologies.)

Still no answer, sign, or motion
	Came from him across to me,
And to this day I've no notion
	What that student's lore might be,

Whether zo-		ology,
Whether conch-
Whether ge-

(And so on, as above.)

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