Dialogue following No. 4

DUCHESS (to COOK) Off with you. (exit COOK) Here, catch! (throws baby off stage) I’m going to the Queen.

exeunt DUCHESS, CAT, and RABBIT

ALICE. I wonder what I’m going to do. I hope the cook caught the baby.

The head of CHESHIRE CAT appears in tree.

ALICE. Cheshire Puss. Would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here?

CAT. That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

ALICE. I don’t much care where.

CAT. Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.

ALICE. So long as I get somewhere.

CAT. Oh you’re sure to do that, if you only walk long enough.

ALICE. What sort of people live about here?

CAT. In one direction lives a Hatter, and in the other a March Hare. Visit either you like - they’re both mad.

ALICE. But I don’t want to go among mad people.

CAT. Oh you can’t help that. We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.

ALICE. How do you know I’m mad?

CAT. You must be, or you wouldn’t have come here.

ALICE. And how do you know that you’re mad?

CAT. To begin with, a dog’s not mad. You grant that?

ALICE. I suppose so.

CAT. Well then. You see a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I grow when I’m pleased and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.

ALICE. I call it purring not growling.

CAT. Call it what you like; and say “thank you for the information”.