Dialogue following No. 13

WHITE KING and QUEEN on floor. Enter ALICE.

ALICE. Why the chessmen are walking about!

WHITE QUEEN. My Precious Lily! My Imperial kitten! tries to get up

WHITE KING (sitting up and rubbing his nose). Imperial fiddlestick.

ALICE lifts WHITE QUEEN up to a standing position; also the pawn

WHITE QUEEN (to KING). Mind the Volcano!

WHITE KING. What Volcano?

WHITE QUEEN. It blew me up onto my legs. Mind you get up in the regular way, don’t get blown up!

ALICE (lifting the KING up). Why you’ll be hours and hours getting up at that rate. (the KING is struggling to rise) I’d far better help you! Hadn’t I? (helps the KING up hastily and dusts him. He makes faces.) Oh please don’t make such faces, my dear! You make me laugh so that I can hardly hold you. And don’t keep your mouth so wide open! All the dust will get into it! There, now I think you’re tidy. (Holds the KING upright; the moment she lets him go he falls flat on his back.) Oh! he’s fainted.

WHITE KING (to QUEEN). I assure you, my dear, I turned cold to the very ends of my whiskers!

WHITE QUEEN. You haven’t got any whiskers?

WHITE KING. The horror of that moment I shall never, never forget!

WHITE QUEEN. You will though, if you don’t make a memorandum of it?

KING gets up, takes out memorandum book, and tries to write. ALICE takes hold of his hand and pencil and helps him.

WHITE KING. My dear, I really must get a thinner pencil! I can’t manage this one a bit - it writes all manner of things I don’t intend.

WHITE QUEEN (taking it). What manner of things? That’s not a memorandum of your feelings! (to ALICE) Here, you read it, or sing it?

ALICE. Dear me! It’s all in some language I don’t know.

WHITE QUEEN (to WHITE KNIGHT). Then you read it!