When extremities encounter
there is sure to be some fun,
Suppose you go to Epsom Downs
to see the "Derby" run,
Then watch the people driving
on each other they encroach,
The coster on his barrow
and the Marquis on his Coach.
There's the West End and the East End.
In Cadogan Square or Hackney
you can do yourself the best,
You can buy your shrimps and chew 'em,
With a crest upon your brougham
In the East End or the West.

Now suppose you're at a play you've
witness'd sev'ral times before,
The music is a chestnut
and the comic man's a bore.
Then study with attention
from the box in which you sit
The "Jeunesse Dorée" in the stalls,
And Tommy in the pit.
In the West End and the East End
They will snivel at the sentiment
and chortle at the jest.
If you're running a theaytre
You will find you have to cater
For the East End and the West.

Now of all the modern crazes
there is none so popular
As the fascinating fashion
of the mighty motor-car.
On a Daimler or a Panhard
you can see the look of pride
On the autocratic driver
and the chauffeur at his side.
There's the West End and the East End.
You procure a pair of goggles
and an extra flannel vest,
And the car when once you're in it
Will transport you in a minute
From the East End to the West.