 | Enter GOBBO, with ladies' robes on his arm. |
Some students are expected here to-day.
No girl without a robe may pass those gates!
They are so proud of these here caps and gowns,
They hardly like to take 'em off a-night!
They even wear (or so I've heard it said)
Night-caps and night-gowns when they go to bed!
| Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN. |
They must be lovely girls if it requires
Such walls as these to keep intruders off!
And that the easier half. I must suspect
The object of these walls is not so much
To keep men off as keep the maidens in!
He's quite as learned as the rest of them,
Half Newton and half Bacon! Here he comes.
| Enter GOBBO from lodge. |
We hold King Gama's letters, charging you
To bear us safely to the Council Hall,
In which the Princess Ida holds her state.
No man may place his foot within those walls;
It's death to disobey our Princess, sir!
Who ever enters!
Yes! Once a yearWhat sort of thing's a man! "See here!" she cries.
"See--this is what you lose in losing man!
This is a courtly knight--well born, well formed!"
(I'm comely, sirs; but, bless you, I'm no knight!)
"Look, girls," she cries, "this is a courtly knight--
A type of all that's beautiful in man!"
(aloud) And then they make me gibber, squeak, and mow;
Then, with much deference and mock courtesy,
They bow me to my duty at the gate!
And they are driven (as males often are
In other large communities)--by women!
If you'll believe me, gentlemen, I swear,
She's so confoundedly particular,
She'll scarcely suffer Dr. Watts's hymns;
And all the animals she owns are "hers"!
The ladies rise at cockcrow every morn--
When they matriculate.
Ha! I've a proposition!
Admission to this University?
It is a thing we've often done at home
In amateur theatricals. You know
How well I play viragos in burlesque!
| Quartette.--HILARION, CYRIL, FLORIAN, and GOBBO, as they dress themselves in women's clothes. |
"Les Trois Cousines" (La Perichole ).
Say we are nice young ladies, three;Who of the world terribly weary,Enter a University.Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha!
We have been bored with suitors stately,
And we prefer young ladies greatly--
Sorry to say that that's too true!Sorry to say that that's too true!
Never our manly tastes to show;Hold up our dresses thus in walking,Showing an inch of ankle--so!Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha!
What's to become of me?
But I can read the fate in store for you
If you presume to interfere with us.
Now, porter, say to whom we should apply
To gain admission.
Or Lady Psyche.
Is young and pretty! (contemptuously).
So go and summon her. (GOBBO rings and then exit.)
| Enter LADY PSYCHE from gate, attended. |
Who wish to join this University (they courtesy).
And will conform with all our rules, 'tis well;
But understand--you must adapt yourselves
To all the regulations now in force,
In Princess Ida's University.
This is my sister! She'll remember me,
Though years have passed since she and I have met!
No sham degrees for noblewomen, here--
Or other cruel contrivances to draw
An arbitrary line 'twixt rich and poor,
No butteries, or other institutes,
To make poor students feed rich cooks--no tufts
To mark nobility; except such tufts
As indicate nobility of brain.
As to your fellow-students, mark me well--
There are five hundred maidens in these walls
All good, all learned, and all beautiful.
You must select your intimates from these;
They are prepared to love you; will you swear
You'll do your best to love them in return?
You're thrown into a man's society,
You'll not allow your thoughts to stray from us,
But, at the earliest opportunity,
You'll give up his society for ours?
That you will never marry any man?
Seeing how fair----
(aloud) We have seen men of wealth--ay, princes too--
Whose beauty has been so remarkable,
That half the maidens in our monarch's court
Have pined away and died for love of them!
These men--Apollos in their manly grace,
Indeed in every thing (except in that
They wore a proper quantity of clothes)--
We think of with profound indifference,
But, when we see a woman who excels
In virtue, scholarship, and loveliness,
We long to lay our heads upon her breast,
And join our lives with hers!
Who may pursue you here?
And we have never fished for lover's love--
We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems,
False hair, and meretricious ornaments,
To chain the fleeting fancy of a man;
But do not imitate them. What we have
Of hair is all our own--our color, too,
Unladylike, but not unwomanly,
Is but the glow of rugged, boisterous health;
Our gait, untrammeled by the influence
Of high heeled boots, small waists, and Grecian bends,
May seem undignified--but then we walk
As Nature meant us to--and man has learnt
To reckon Nature an impertinence!
Whose beauty is her poorest excellence;
But beauty goes for nothing in these walls.
You'll find yourselves appreciated here:
If what you say is true, you'll spend with us
A happy, happy time!
To welcome us with smiles and open arms,
I think there's very little doubt we shall!