Toto. I’ll tell you what it is, my husband must be mad to reject such a promising recruit. You’re just the sort of man we want up here, for between ourselves, our brigands are not up to much. They’re a very weedy lot; I have always great difficulty in spurring them up to anything like a deed of daring. Little girls sent out with halfpence to fetch milk; old ladies with their omnibus fares in their gloves; cans hanging on area railings, and so on. Such deeds as these – there’s no disguising it – are not worthy of Barberini’s hand. (aside.) I can't think where I have seen his face before.

Doro. Oh! Toto, have you forgotten me so completely? Learn that I who stand before you am no other than the cheated and discarded Doro.

Toto. Doro? I know that name.

Doro. Know that name? Perhaps you do. It is that of your husband.

Toto. (puzzled.) My husband? No, his name is Barber – Stay, I know, you’re my dream husband! Of course you are; how stupid of me, to be sure! Then let me see – I must be asleep, and this must be a dream.

Doro. A dream?

Toto. Yes, I know it’s a dream by you. Look here, I have two husbands.

Doro. (aghast.) What?

Toto. Two husbands. One when I’m awake – he’s real; and one when I’m dreaming – he’s sham. You’re the sham one, you’re an illusion. (feeling his arm.) Yes, you seem real, but you’re not.

Doro. If you’ve taken leave of your senses, allow me to bring them back to you. I am your real husband; real live flesh and blood. You’re as wide awake as ever you were in your life, and that’s not saying much.

Toto. Then do you mean to say that – that I did not dream that we were married?

Doro. Most certainly not! We were actually married, and immediately afterwards you vanished.

Toto. (crying.) Oh dear, oh dear, I am so sorry! I – I quite forgot all about it. I – I remember it now. Oh dear, oh dear, I don’t know what I shall do. You’ll ne – ne – never f – f – forgive me, I know you won’t. I’ve been a very naughty, ungrateful, forgetful girl and I ought to be ashamed of myself. Oh, forgive me; do, do forgive me – I won’t go and marry anyone any more.

Doro. Forgive you! When you eloped with another man within ten minutes of your marriage?

Toto. It was p – p – p – platonic. It was wrong of me, I know; but I acted on the spur of the moment.

Doro. It is impossible to accept that excuse.

Toto. But if I forgot, what was I to do? I suppose you forget sometimes. You’re not absolutely infallible, I suppose.

Doro. It is useless.

Toto. Now, my own, own dearly-loved – darling, darling – I forget your name for the moment.

Doro. Doro!

Toto. Exactly, Doro! Now my darling Doro, don’t, oh, don’t blight my young life; don’t ruin my hope of happiness; don’t surround my whole existence in gloom for a mere act of childish forgetfulness, for I love you dear – dear – dear –

Doro. Doro.

Toto. I was going to say ‘Doro’, only you take one up so. Indeed, indeed, I love you very fondly; and if you’ll only forgive me, I’ll be such a good little wife to you, and never cause you any sorrow any more (sobbing). Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do?

Doro. Poor little girl, she does seem very fond of me. Well, after all, it was only an act of forgetfulness. She forgot she was married. A good many highly respectable people make the same mistake. Besides, when a woman begins to cry, what is a man to do? (aloud.) There, Toto, I forgive you this once; but don’t, oh, don’t you ever, ever do such a thing again as long as you live.

Toto. My darling husband!

Page modified 13 January 2010