Box. Instantly remove that hatter!

Cox. Immediately turn out that printer!

Bouncer. Well - but, gentlemen -

Cox. Explain! (pulling him around.)

Box. Explain! (pulling him around.) Whose room is this?

Cox. Yes - whose room is this?

Box. Doesn't it belong to me?

Bouncer. No!

Cox. There! You hear, sir - it belongs to me!

Bouncer. No - it belongs to both of you!

Cox & Box. Both of us!

Bouncer. Oh, yes! gents, don't be angry - but you see, this gentleman - (pointing to BOX) - only being at home in the day time, and that gentleman - (pointing to COX) - at night, I thought I might venture, until my little back second floor room was ready -

Cox & Box. (eagerly) When will your little back second floor room be ready?

Bouncer. Why, to-morrow -

Cox. I'll take it!

Box. So will I!

Bouncer. Excuse me - but if you both take it, you may just as well stop where you are.

Cox & Box. True.

Cox. I spoke first, sir -

Box. With all my heart, sir. The little back second floor room is yours, sir - now go -

Cox. Go? Pooh - pooh -?

Bouncer. Now don't quarrel, gentlemen. You see, there used to be a partition here -

Cox & Box. Then put it up!

Bouncer. Nay, I'll see if I can't get the other room ready this very day. Now, gents and officers, don't fight, but keep your tempers. (exit L. C. D.)

Cox. What a disgusting position!

COX walks rapidly round the stage. BOX sits down on a chair, at one side of the table, following COX's movements.

Box. Will you allow me to observe, if you have not had any exercise to-day, you'd better go out and take it?

Cox. I shall not do anything of the sort, sir. (seating himself at the table opposite BOX.)

Box. Very well, sir.

Cox. Very well, sir. However, don't let me prevent you from going out.

Box. Don't flatter yourself, sir. (COX is about to break a piece of the roll off.) Halloa! That's my roll, sir, (snatches it away - puts a pipe in his mouth, and lights it with a piece of tinder - puffs smoke across the table towards COX.)

Cox. Halloa! What are you about, sir?

Box. What am I about? I'm about to smoke.

Cox. Wheugh!

COX goes to the window at BOX's back, and flings it open.

Box. Halloa! (turning round) Put down that window, sir!

Cox. Then put your pipe out, sir!

Box. (puts pipe on the table) There!

Cox. (slams down window and re-seats himself.) There!

Box. I shall retire to my pillow. (gets up, takes off his jacket, then goes towards the bed and sits upon it L. C.)

Cox. (jumps up, goes to bed and sits down on the R. of BOX.) I beg your pardon, sir - I cannot allow any one to rumple my bed.

Box. (both rising.) Your bed? Hark ye, sir, can you fight?

Cox. No, sir.

Box. No? Then come on - (sparring at COX.)

Cox. Sit down, sir - or I'll instantly vociferate "Police!"

Box. (seats himself. COX does the same.) I say, sir. -

Cox. Well, sir?

Box. Although we are doomed to occupy the same room for a few hours longer, I don't see any necessity for our cutting each other's throat, sir.

Cox. Not at all. It's an operation that I should decidedly object to.

Box. And, after all, I've no violent animosity against you, sir.

Cox. Nor have I any rooted antipathy to you, sir.

Box. Besides, it was all Bouncer's fault, sir.

Cox. Entirely, sir. (gradually approaching chair)

Box. Very well, sir!

Cox. Very well, sir! (pause)

Box. Take a bit of roll, sir?

Cox. Thank ye, sir. (breaking a bit off - pause)

Box. Do you sing, sir?

Cox. I sometimes dabble in a serenade.

Box. Then dabble away.