But why attend the Elocution and Deportment Classes?

Sure, it's the filthy money-prizes that sap the resolution out of a man, and put the correct English into him!

I see.

It's myself that has had roast pork for a month from the "Boy who stood on the Burning Deck," and the second prize he took with bein' elegantly recited.

But this is monstrous! Do you mean to say that under this alien's influence you have learnt to forget the marked characteristics of our nation?

Your honour, there's not a man nor a colleen here that could dance an Irish jig correctly, and say "Begorra" at the end of it with any conviction. (Exit.)

Terrible! It shall be my first care to restore and foster these customs. But how? Where shall I find a tutor where all are ignorant?

(to Terence, presenting hand-bill) Permit me!

(reading) "Professor Bunn."

Of Bath.

"Mesmerist, Ventriloquist, Humorist, and General Illusionist." Really, my dear sir, I don't see -

You will, sir - you will!

"Shakespearean Reciter, Character Impersonator, and Professor of Elocution. Children's parties a speciality." This is a political meeting, Mr. Bunn - not a children's party.

Sir, in politics or business I favour no particular party.

This is a secret meeting, sir.

A lucky meeting, sir - I was on my way to the Lord Lieutenant.

I will not deprive him of your company. I desire nothing in common with the Lord Lieutenant.

Don't be hasty, my dear sir. I overheard your speech, and I must say your delivery is very fine - very fine indeed. May I ask, are you in Parliament?

Not yet.

I thought you couldn't be. Now, sir, I overheard your wishes with regard to the instruction of the Irish peasantry. I overheard your aspirations -- you aspirate beautifully -- and I said to myself, "That's the man for my money!" or rather "That man's money is for me!"

I don't understand you?

I have been engaged by his Excellency the Lord Lieutenant as Local Professor of English Elocution in the Infant Schools. But how would it be if the Character Impersonator of Irish Types were in your pay, eh?

I don't see -

You shall see, sir. You want these poor peasantry to be typical Irish, do you not?

It is one of my dearest wishes.

It will work out one of your cheapest, if you engage me, I assure you.