Woodpecker. I forgot the umbrella. I'll go and fetch it. (Going.)

Bella. (stops him). Not if I know it!

Woodpecker. (aside). Confound it! And the wedding party at the door, in eight cabs!

Bella. To think that this contemptible creature actually promised to marry me!

Woodpecker. Marry you? Why, of course I did! Marry you? Certainly I will!

Bella. You will?

Woodpecker. Why, of course! What do you take me for?

Bella. And you didn't desert me in order to run after somebody else?

Woodpecker. Ha, ha! As if I'd dream of anybody else!

Bella. Oh, what a relief! Oh, Woodpecker! (in his arms).

Woodpecker. Now, then; I want a Leghorn hat trimmed with a parrot's head, an armadillo's claw, two mackerel one peach, three truffles, and a bun.

Bella. (jealous). Oh, for some young lady, I suppose.

Woodpecker. For some young lady! That's very likely; come, you know me better than that. No; it's for a Captain in the Guards, who wants it as a birthday present for — for his
Colonel.

Bella. Well, by an odd coincidence, I believe I happen to have the very thing; and you
shall have it on one condition: that we dine together at Simpson's this afternoon —

Woodpecker. (aside). Very likely!

Bella. And that you take me to the Adelphi Theatre this evening!

Woodpecker. Capital! Excellent idea! I was just saying to myself as I came in, "What in the world shall I do with myself this evening?" and the Adelphi Theatre is the very thing. Now, then, where's the hat?

Bella. In the next room. Come along, and don't let me catch you making eyes at the
young ladies! [ Exit BELLA. ]

Woodpecker. (in despair). Here's all the wedding party coming up the stairs!

(Music, "Haste to the Wedding." Enter MAGUIRE, MARIA, FOODLE, BOPADDY, and
the wedding party, two and two, dancing round the stage. The guests range
themselves on the left of the scene.)

Maguire. So here we are in Doctor's Commons. (To WOODPECKER.) I think you told us
this was Doctor's Commons?

Woodpecker. Yes, yes — but why in the world have you left your cabs?

Maguire. Never mind that - have you got the licence?

Woodpecker. No — the — the Registrar has not arrived yet; that is, he's busy. Go back to your cabs and I'll go and fetch him. Oh, dim! dim! dim! [ WOODPECKER exits hurriedly after
BELLA.]

Maguire. It's all right — it is Doctor's Commons. My friends, let us behave ourselves, we are in Doctor's Commons. Let those who have their gloves put them on. I — I am much agitated: and you, my child?

Maria. Papa, the pin is still there!

Maguire. Walk about my child, and it will work down. (Goes to desk.) Here is the entry-
book. We shall all have to sign our names in it.

Maria. Papa, what are they going to do to me?

Maguire. Nothing, my child. The Registrar will say to you, "Do your parents consent to this
marriage?" and you'll reply, "I am" (looking off). Oh, the Registrar is coming. (To FOODLE who has only got one glove on.) Put on your other glove, will you?

Food. I can't — I've lost it!

Maguire. The put your hand in your pocket. (FOODLE puts the gloved hand in his
pocket.) Not that one, stupid! the other one! (FOODLE does so.) Now, then, prepare to receive the Registrar!

Enter CRIPPS, out of breath and wet through.

Page modified 21 June 2010